| RIP Lacunae |
[29 Nov 2011|11:41pm] |
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 melancholy |
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I euthanized my own dog today. She's been off for a long time. Her kidneys were crapping out for the past few years. Her mind had been going for several months. We thought she would pass on last year, so we were blessed with another year with her. She's been losing weight for the past few years. She was just a bag of bones. She started vomiting over the weekend, and nasty diarrhea. Her appetite had been going down for some time. She would get lost in the house. She didn't always know who I was or who Foodienurse was. She stopped playing with her raccoon doll.
I couldn't bear to euthanize her before Thanksgiving. I wanted to give her one last great weekend. She gorged herself on turkey and brisket all weekend. I let her stay out of her kennel and sleep with us one last time. This morning I took her in to work with me. I held her and carried her around as my schedule allowed. Even at work, she wasn't right and my coworkers, who were familiar with Lacunae, knew she wasn't right. I got her chicken nuggets for lunch and she gorged herself on them. Foodienurse came over when he got off work and held her for awhile too.
I gave her a strong sedative at the end of the day. I got to hold her as she fell asleep in my arms. Then I gave her the euthanasia solution. She was gone when I still had a third of the syringe left. She was ready to go. It was very peaceful.
It feels so surreal, like it didn't really happen. The house feels weird.
My sister and her kids left me a present on my kitchen table. A picture frame with Good Dog as the heading and a picture of myself, Foodienurse, and Lacunae in our laps. A lovely thought, even if I cry just thinking about it.
Good bye, Lacunae. I love you. You were a great dog. I'll miss you.
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| Not Weeeeee |
[12 Apr 2011|08:00pm] |
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I have High Blood Pressure. Diagnosed two frickin' weeks before my 33rd birthday. My pressure that day was 197/121. My head's gonna explode, I'm gonna stroke out, or I'm gonna have a freakin' heart attack. Thanks, Mom and Dad... At least the medications are not expensive, I'm gonna be on them awhile...
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| Bling bling |
[30 Dec 2009|10:18pm] |
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 happy |
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Foodienurse made me dinner last night. Yes, we're still dating, and yes, he still cooks for me. But I cook for him too!
So last night he made me a nice steak dinner, along with a pumpkin chestnut risotto, and sauteed fresh green beans with butter and bleu cheese. Verrrra nice as always.
I start cleaning up, since he cooked, and he wandered away, which he does now and then. He comes up as I'm moving dishes to the sink and gives me a hug. Then he pulls out an open box, with a ring in it, and asks me to marry him.
It's not often my smart alec tongue is silenced, but I was last night. Even though I knew it was coming at some point, being presented with that rock and hunk of metal, which was perfect in every way, stopped my smarmy attitude.
After nearly breaking his neck in a crushing hug, I accepted.
I will still be Dr. Kay, but I'll be very happy to be Mrs. Foodienurse.
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| Sledding! |
[15 Dec 2009|09:15pm] |
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I went sledding with my nephews. It had been YEARS since I last was sledding. I'd forgotten how much fun it was. And it seems harder trudging back up the hill than I remember. I kept getting stuck halfway down the hill. I think I need a sturdier sled, hah! My sister was laughing at me since I was wearing jeans, leather shoes, and thin gloves. Yes, I was cold, but it was soooo worth it! I totally need to get my own sled!
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| Birthday ramblings |
[24 Apr 2009|12:08am] |
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Okay, so my birthday was 2 days ago. I hadn't had a chance to post. I'm old. Well, older. But that doesn't bother me. At least until some 25 year old says how much she enjoying hanging out with her ooooold friend of 30! I and the other over 30s in the group gave her such crap for that response. Ah well.
Birthday! It was a lovely day. Work went very well, we ordered in Gandolfo's for lunch and I got two new lab coats, embroidered with me name, yay! After work, I dashed home, showered quick, and headed out.
Those of you who read my journal may wonder a bit about the poem I posted not too long ago. I posted it in response to my mixed feelings. I've been dating someone for nearly three months now and I was shocked to find my weakened defenses. Hence the poem. I've gotten worse since then, lol! I haven't had a chance to find a proper online handle for him yet, we'll call him Foodienurse for now. Why? He's a partially trained chef (ding!) and a CNA (ding ding!)
So Foodienurse claimed me for the evening. I headed to his place, where he proceeded to cook me dinner. He served seared scallops with curried lima bean puree, green beans, and mango salsa. Afterwards, he took me to the cliffs where we watched the sunset over the city. Finished the evening off with a romantic comedy. A wonderful evening.
The boy turns me to mush, without trying, which if you know me at all is a big accomplishment. I could go on about Foodienurse, but I'll save it for another day.
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| Infiltrated |
[05 Apr 2009|07:05pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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My armor is thick and hard.
My wall is tall and wide.
My barrier is impenetrable.
For long have I held them at arm's length.
Of course I enjoy companionship with them.
Even friendship.
But not more.
No, not more.
Most are not right.
Others are transient.
They are not worth it.
To preserve myself I built this protection.
I don my armor.
I've built my wall.
My barriers are raised.
But wait!
What's this?
Something's not right.
Testing, questing, probing.
What is different?
There!
How can this be?
My defenses are down?
A chink in my armor.
A crack, a hole in my wall.
A breach in my barrier.
How did this occur?
I did not allow this to happen.
To willingly allow them this close,
Is to risk pain.
Why would I allow such?
I would not allow such!
Yet it is done.
There is something here.
I try to shore up my defenses.
Repair my armor, my wall.
But the damage is done.
What to do?
How did this happen?
It must be him.
But how did he do this?
How could he accomplish what others have failed?
I did not allow this.
Wait!
I think I remember.
He said...something.
Different from the others.
We talked.
I stated my concern, my ultimatum.
He said, "I already knew."
A crack in my wall.
A chink in my armor.
A breach in my barrier.
My defenses are down.
I don't know how I feel about this.
How to oust him.
Do I want to oust him?
I feel...unprotected.
Vulnerable.
Yet...and yet...
My thoughts dwell on him.
I anticipate.
I thrill.
Perhaps...I'll try this.
I'll see this through.
Perhaps...he is worth it.
Time will tell.
Perhaps...I will allow this.
For now.
For still I have my defenses.
Breached they may be,
But down completely they are not.
I still have some semblance.
Will they come crashing down?
Can he accomplish this?
Can he infiltrate further?
Time will tell.
So I wait.
I anticipate.
I thrill.
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| RIP Monkey-butt |
[06 Dec 2008|10:13pm] |
I euthanized my sister's dog this morning.
She called me yesterday in the wee hours of the morning to tell me he had been vomiting. Naturally I was a bit annoyed at being woken up but I told her I'd call her as soon as I got in to make an appointment for her.
She arrives carrying her dog in. You do not know this dog. Monkey-butt is a hyper, active, happy, playful guy, just 7 years old. He has lovable energy out the wazoo. That my sister is carrying him into the clinic is a bad, bad thing. It's a bad, bad thing when he just lays on my table without moving. He looked like terrible crap. My diagnostic tests pointed to pancreatitis, an unpleasant condition, but treatable. So we started treating.
This morning, Monkey-butt was worse. He wasn't very responsive at all, he would not swallow, and he started crying/moaning/howling. You don't know this dog, he is a very stoic guy. He has my monster nephews wrestling with him, he takes his knocks in stride. I knew he was in serious trouble. I called my sis to come out to see him and I had to pass my phone off to one of my technicians to finish talking, because I couldn't.
My sis came out, spent some time with Monkey-butt, asked what was wrong. The hardest thing was saying "I don't know." I told her with how bad he looked and he was continuing to vomit while on major antiemetics (a very bad thing) that I was worried there was an obstruction I had missed and we may need to do surgery. My sis asked if I'd find anything and what his chances are, again "I don't know" but I wanted to try! I had to do something! He's in my professional care and I didn't know what was wrong with him, what else could I be doing. I actually called the other doctor, her day off, and asked if she could come in just to see if there was something I was missing.
My sis decided with how much pain he was in, it was better to euthanize. So, with him in her arms, my nephews around him, I euthanized Monkey-butt. He passed peacefully, his pain gone.
My sister ended up comforting ME, she knew it was time and that he was better off, I was tearing myself up, "What had I missed, what else could I have done?" I did all I could, but it wasn't enough!
Naturally, I had other appointments during the day. I was blessed to have an easy day, actually. God knows what he's doing. I had two easy lump checks and the rest of the morning was full of routine visits, everything I could hop in, do what needed to be done, and hop out to spend more time with my sis, her dog, and my nephews.
After the last appointment had gone, I went to Monkey-butt. I had to know. I had to know what took him and so suddenly. I had to know if I did something wrong, if I had missed something. So I took my scalpel and did a quick necropsy (autopsy done on animals.)
His abdomen was full of serohemorrhagic fluid (watery and a bit bloody) his intestines were thickened, but no obstruction. His kidney looked fine. His liver, what the heck is up with his liver? It's all, thickened and gnarled. His spleen, where's his spleen? I found his spleen and pulled it to the light. His spleen was riddled with dark, raised, red splotches. I stepped back as I started replacing everything.
My techs both had helped me watch Monkey-butt a time or two, everyone at the clinic knew him, knew how he was supposed to be, not how he was when he was brought in. They also wanted to know what killed him so quickly. They saw the spleen and gasped, "What the heck is that?"
"Hemangiosarcoma."
Hemangiosarcoma is one of the worst cancers out there. There is often no sign of any trouble before animals crash. Sometimes they crash like Monkey-butt, sometimes they just die, sometimes they bleed out into a body cavity. There is nothing else that could have been done. There are very few treatments. Prognosis is always abyssmal, weeks to months, and that's IF you're lucky.
It's also a cancer that is supposed to hit older, bigger dogs, not a 7 year old small mutt like Monkey-butt. Granted, I've euthanized younger dogs because of cancer, but they were big dogs!
I know there was nothing else that I could have done, but it is still very, very hard. I was there with my sis picked him out. I helped with his knee surgeries. I've been his vet since I've been a vet. And, I was there at his end. I couldn't see the syringe as I was giving the final solution, my eyes were too full of tears. My sister knows I hold myself responsible and she ended up comforting me. She knew it was his time. After thinking about it, she decided she preferred it this way, it was quick, she was there at the end, able to say goodbye, he was fat and happy just a few days prior. All in all, not a bad way to go.
I know, I know, I KNOW, there is NOTHING I could have done. But it still hurts... I made everyone cry at the clinic. I'm also a rather stoic person, or at least I'm great at hiding how I really feel. I call it my professional mask. My mask came tumbling down as I was cradling his body and crying in his kennel after my sis had gone. No one else was immune.
Of course, the boys were concerned, what's going on with Monkey-butt, why are mommy and auntie crying? My sis explained that Monkey-butt was very sick and that I was going to give him a shot so he could sleep forever and not be in pain anymore. I told the boys that Monkey-butt was going to Heaven so that Jesus could watch over him.
I don't know if animals go to heaven, I don't know if they have souls. I know that they are God's creation, too. It would be nice to see him again when my time comes.
So...rest in peace, Monkey-butt. Murph-dog. Fuzzybutt. It was an honor knowing you and caring for you. Thank you for your love, your company, your playfulness, your orneriness, your stubborness, your intelligence, your wit, your soulful brown eyes, your soft and fuzzy hair, your gentle demeanor, your way with the kids, your goatlike ways, your crumb vacuum abilities, your rowdiness, your cuddliness. You will be missed.
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[26 Oct 2008|10:41pm] |
You Are a Vampire
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You are charming, sensual, and even a bit manipulative.
You can't help but get people to do what you want.
You have sharp senses and a strong predatory instinct.
You go after what you want, without mercy.
While you have the heart of a killer, many people are drawn to you.
You are elegant, timeless, and mysterious. You are the ultimate fantasy object.
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Bow before me! For I am a hawt blood sucker!
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| #@$%*!! Computer |
[17 Oct 2008|06:27pm] |
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mood |
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 angry |
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So my computer decided to cop out on me. All of a sudden. No slowing down, no random things happening. Just a black screen, a file corrupted or missing. My coworkers have me freaked that it may be a Trojan. How the piss would I get a trojan?? I don't download anything, I have virus scanners that scan automatically and update automatically. I haven't gone to any questionable sites.
I refuse to believe I've lost all my info on my computer. There must be a way to get it off! If I have to reformat my hard drive, I don't care, programs can be reinstalled. But my pictures! My artwork! My stories! My music! My addresses! *GROWL* I refuse to accept that these are lost forever! There must be a way to go into the hard drive itself without running Windows and extract all my info. I won't care about it after my info is safely off and somewhere else.
Granted, a lot of my art is already online, quite a few of my short stories are online, I have a full printed out copy of my finished novel, and there are people who have some copies of my photos. But that's not the point! The point is those are *MY* bloody files and I *WILL* get them back!!
In the meantime, I'm not going to be online. Hopefully my return will be swift. But alas, I can not promise anything.
GRRR I say!
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[13 Oct 2008|02:15pm] |
You Are an American Bulldog
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You are a very imposing, powerful creature... but deep down, you're generally good natured.
You are incredibly energetic, and you like to blow off steam with sports and horsing around.
You are naturally courageous. You would run into a burning building to save someone you loved.
You intimidate people without trying to. Some people assume the worst of you when they first meet you.
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Doesn't sound like me.
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| Goings on |
[23 Sep 2008|11:21pm] |
So I suck at posting something in here. I just don't think I have much exciting going on at the moment, so my silence is better than boredom I guess. I just don't have much to say. I'm a relatively private person and having all and sundry out where anyone can see is eh for me.
The reason I'm posting today, well two things really. One, I was at the doctor yesterday for a regular checkup and my blood pressure was 102/72. Nice, eh? What really has me happy is that my blood pressure the past several months had been elevated. Since I was bitten by a friend's cat in April, my pressure has always been above 84. The highest was something over 104. Needless to say, that freaked me out. My mom has high blood pressure, so it's very possible I'm going to have high blood pressure when I'm older. But not now. To think that I would have to go on meds when I'm only 30 scared me. I means, meds themselves aren't that big of a deal, but I'm only 30. I know age doesn't matter, it still freaked me out. So, having to go to the docs yesterday and having my normal pressure was a big relief.
The other reason I'm posting, I had my annual review with my boss. It was a fast review. I am no longer working there.
That got your attention, eh? Hehehehe. Couldn't help it, I'm not apologizing. My boss loves me. She has no area for me to improve on. She appreciates everything about me, my laid back nature, how I get along with everyone, the clients like me, I practice good quality medicine, I get my notes done the same day, the techs feel useful around me. I'm an easy employee. And with how high strung some of the others are, she is very happy I am the way I am, balancing others out. My production is a bit lower this year, same as her, but she's still giving me a raise and more than I was expecting. Not a lot by any means, I was just wanting cost of living increase, and she topped that. So I'm happy.
A couple other things, I'm designing the logo for the clinic. I designed the logo for our sister clinic and our office manager, who works both locations, thinks it's strange how they have a logo and we don't when we're the original clinic. So hammering out details. My office manager loves me as well, how he describes what he wants and I have a sketch in no time. And I'm cheap, lol! A case of diet coke and I'm happy.
My boss nominated me to be on the board for the veterinary academy. That's the group that puts together continuing education lectures four times a year. It's rotational, so in a few years, I'd be president, but then go off the board. It's a 5 year commitment. I have no qualms about being on the board. I think the hardest part is finding speakers to come and lecture at us. I thought it was funny how my boss forwarded me her email reply to the current president who was bemoaning that no one seemed interested in stepping up and joining the board, stating that I had shown interest in the past and so would be happy. I teased her about volunteering me. It is more work for me but not horrible. It would just take more time and effort. And there are times when I want to be lazy. Having people force me to do stuff seems to be a pattern. But this is a good thing. Kind of "giving back" to my profession. And if I really didn't want to do it, I wouldn't do it.
I've been teaching sunday school at church and am actually enjoying myself. I find I'm a mean teacher, hehehehe. Pay attention or you get to repeat what was just read. Oh, you don't know the answer, well I'm waiting for you to come up with one. Have a glib answer, not gonna talk to ya. The kids apparently like me and the supervisors like me. So it's good to know I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing.
I don't say it enough, but God has been so gracious to me. I have a great job, and it's nice to hear how much my boss appreciates me. I know I've needed to do more, and here are two opportunities for me to grow as a person, grow in my profession, and grow as a Christian. It's a great feeling to get these little affirmations that I'm precisely where I'm supposed to be and doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I can only pray that I am doing His work and He is using me for His glory.
Now if only I could find a man who wants to stay in this bloody city...
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[31 Jul 2008|08:17pm] |
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And now...with my pocketbook MUUUUUUUUCH lighter... I am part member of the Emergency Clinic in town. I won't become a full member for another 4 payments over a 6 year period...but that's okay. After months of scrimping and scraving, I started that whole process. There's still the other 4 payments, so I'm not done with my scraving yet. Sigh... Why, oh, why must I be so financially responsible? I'm tired of saving all the time!
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| Stupid me |
[09 Jul 2008|11:03pm] |
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mood |
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tired |
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So my boss is out of town for a couple of weeks for vacation. That meant yesterday I was the only vet on with my two techs to support me. And we were INSANELY BUSY. I mean all available appointment slots filled to the brim. Plus everything that the groom dogs needed. Plus three emergency sick animals that were dropped off to be squeezed in when we could. To say I was running around like a chicken with its head cut off in an understatement. To say I was exhausted at the end of the day, also an understatement.
I head home, and I just wanted to be home. I travel the same route I always take, which includes a gravel road. A gravel road which not many people take. Now, normally I look both ways before turning onto the road, but then, normally I'm not weary. So I pull out, in front of another car, cutting him off. He has to swerve to hit me, he missed me, missed the railroad gate, and ended up on the tracks. Yay me.
I'm fine, he's fine, his passengers are fine, my car's fine, his car...not so fine. Something's off with the wheel that struck the railroad tracks, and there may be a cracked fender.
The important thing is everyone okay, it's just material damage, but I still feel terrible. Everyone keeps telling me, that's what insurance is for. Everyone's been nice about it, even the guy I cut off. His car had to be towed off somewhere to assess damage and get repaired. Now it's the insurance tag game, weeeeeeee.
I found it amusing to read on the back of my insurance card, "Do not admit fault." Um...in this situation, oh yeah, totally my bad. No doubt what so ever.
So I get a nice ticket and a court date. Le sigh...
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[20 Apr 2008|03:18pm] |
My Personality
| | Neuroticism | | Extraversion | | Openness to Experience | | Agreeableness | | Conscientiousness | |
| You do not experience strong, irresistible cravings and consequently do not find yourself tempted to overindulge, however you are not generally self conscious about yourself. You tend not to talk much and prefer to let others control the activities of groups. You prefer the security and stability brought by conformity to tradition. You see no need for pretense or manipulation when dealing with others and are therefore candid, frank and sincere. People find it relatively easy to relate to you, however you generally see others as selfish, devious, and sometimes potentially dangerous. You have a strong sense of duty and obligation, and feel a moral obligation to do the right thing.
| Take a Personality Test now or view the full Personality Report.
The best Buying Pet Gifts. |
Don't quite agree with this profile... What do y'all think? How much like me is this statement?
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| It's Official... |
[30 Jan 2008|11:04pm] |
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I'm now part owner of my clinic, albeit a smaaaaaaaaaaall part. Yay me!
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[16 Jan 2008|09:54pm] |
| You Are Very Sexy | 
Damn! You are one hot number. You have a lot of sex appeal.
You know you're sexy, and you're not afraid to put it all out there.
And while you're very appealing, you're careful not to be trashy or over the top.
Sexy is all about attitude. And you totally have the attitude that people love.
How You Are Sexy
You feel gorgeous, and you always try to look your best. You make the best of what you've got. Totally sexy!
You are friendly and outgoing, even to people who don't deserve it. Your positive body language makes you even sexier.
You are secure in social situations, and you definitely have a confident vibe. And that's very sexy.
You are flirtatious and fun with most people. You know how to keep things light, friendly, and sexy. |
Aw yeah...
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| You know yer old when... |
[03 Jul 2007|10:03pm] |
You're getting help from a sales associate and he asked if I was with my daughter when my sister walks up.
3 year difference in age, yes I'm older... I do NOT look that old! Granted the poor fellow was mortified, but still...
I laughed. I laughed hard. So did me sis. LOL!
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| Toffee Pineapple |
[02 May 2007|11:05pm] |
Found this recipie in my Indian cookbook and wanted to try it. I can't stop gushing about it! You must get pineapple! You must make this recipie!!
1 whole fresh pineapple, cored, peeled, and cut into 2 bite chunks
flour for dusting
1 cup flour
1/2 cup water
1 egg
oil for frying
2 tblsp vegetable oil
1/2 cup granulated sugar
Preheat the frying oil to 375 degrees f. Mix the 1 cup of flour, water, and egg to make a simple batter. Dust the pineapple with flour. Dredge the pineapple in the batter then fry in oil for 3 minutes or until golden brown. Set fried pieces on either a rack to drain or paper towels.
Heat the 2 tblsp of oil in a pan and add the sugar. Constantly stir the sugar until it begins to melt. When the sugar reaches a light caramel in color, remove from heat and add in the pineapple pieces, tossing quickly to coat. The sugar will begin to firm so work fast! Set on parchment paper for shell to set. Eat! Eat more! And eat more!
The original recipie called for apples, also very yummy. The recipie did not tell me how long to cook the sugar, so my first batch ended up a bit burnt. Hence the addendum about a LIGHT caramel color!
YUUUUUUUUUM
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[10 Mar 2007|01:53pm] |
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You are The Empress
Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.
The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents,
beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home
decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.
The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.
What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.
Bow to me, baby!
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